Hey Google: How Do I Blog?

I started off writing this post by Googling "how to write a blog." I started a blog on my website because the idea of having one appealed to me. I've seen other artists and creators who have blogs, and it looked like fun. But where does one begin with a project that has no specific goal?

My first few posts were very ramble-y, and I felt like I was doing it wrong. They weren't particularly profound, they weren't covering any sort of lessons or tips, they weren't about opinions on current issues or just relevant topics or advice, and they certainly weren't popular or influential. So for 14 months I've avoided continuing with this blog, trapped by a feeling of fear with so many layers I couldn't make sense of it. It certainly wasn't helped by the fact that when I got my comic, "Unseen: Encounter", printed, and it turned out there were a lot of mistakes, my resolve and confidence crumbled even more.

The question of "how to write a blog" has been circulating in my head, and I've revisited it a few times only to put it back on the shelf. I just wasn't sure how to do it without mistakes on the first try. I wanted it to be perfect. I want it to be perfect for a myriad of reasons which have built neural pathways of logic that are hard to break away from.

At some point, I started to realize that I'm going through these mental loopholes to find a reason to avoid something that makes me uncomfortable, which is a natural protective instinct, but in doing so I'm being prevented from moving in the direction I want.

I specifically say "I'm being prevented from" rather than "I'm keeping myself from" because there's an important distinction. I don't have control over my intrusive thoughts, urges, emotions, and physical sensations. Sometimes I feel like I should, but saying "I should" creates an expectation that will never be met, and that creates inevitable shame. It's important for me to remind myself that no matter what I do, my internal experiences will happen when they want, as strongly as they want, and they create a roadblock to achieving my goals and dreams. "I'm keeping myself from" implies that I have control over the internal experiences, when I don't. The internal experiences are not my fault.

However, it IS my responsibility to choose how I respond to these internal experiences. I may get anxious without want or warning, and I can choose how to respond to that anxiety. I can create a safety plan or strategies for dealing with anxiety episodes as they come. I can find people or objects to go to and seek comfort - Not reassurance, which is unhelpful and reinforces avoidance behaviors. I can find help professionally to build tolerance to the discomfort, and do it myself with small exposures. The internal experiences create a roadblock, and with the right tools, I can get through the block.

This is A LOT more easier said than done. I know it. I struggle with this constantly. Especially because I know that not everything can be conquered with a coffee and a can-do attitude. There will be some things I may never fully overcome, like chronic diagnoses or trauma. Heck, I may never overcome them even a little. When I feel stuck with my internal experiences, physically, mentally, or emotionally, there are two therapeutic skills I've found to be helpful: Radical Acceptance and Wise Mind.

The concept of Wise Mind goes like this: Humans have an emotional mind and a rational mind, and generally individuals lean towards one or the other in how they think and make decisions. In regards to the example of my hesitancy with making this blog post, emotional-minded thinking sounds like "people won't like me unless I cater to their needs," while rational-minded thinking sounds like "I will never be able to control how others think of me." If I lean into the emotional minded reasoning, I will feel constant anxiety and engage in people-pleasing behaviors, and my self-worth will be hinged on factors I can't control. If I lean into the rational minded reasoning, I will fall into states of hopelessness or even nihilism. Wise Mind uses one side to counteract the other side. "I don't have control over how others think of me, and that can be a reason to be authentic." The word "and" is a powerful tool of Wise Mind, and I carry it over to the Radical Acceptance skill.

Like I mentioned before, humans don't have control over their internal experiences, no matter how much we're told that we are. When I get anxious, I can't magically do or say something to not be anxious anymore. When I have a trauma response or flashback, I can't skip to the end credits. When I get sick to my stomach or experience pain, there's no off-switch. However, I can control what I choose to do about it. That's where radical acceptance comes in. Radical acceptance is the acceptance of what you can't control and choosing not to dwell on that, instead figuring out what you can do. It is not dismissing the pain or discomfort, it is making room for it and still choosing to move forward with it.

As an example, when thinking about writing this blog post, a repeating intrusive thought came up: "I need to know how to write a blog before I can continue working on mine, otherwise I will fail." When I apply the Wise Mind and Radical Acceptance skills, I come up with statements like these:

Wow, that's a scary thought, and I know it's not realistic.

I did not choose to have that thought, and it is not a reflection of what I value.

That's crazy. Anyway, this is what I value instead.

I keep the statements believable for myself. Some people like "positive self-talk," and I don't really resonate with positive talk that much. It can feel distant and idealistic. So I opt for neutral self-talk. If it sounds like something I could say to someone else and believe it, I'm more inclined to believe it for myself.

Sometimes, there is a course of action I can take, like saying these types of reframes or doing exposures or taking medication or what have you. Sometimes, though, there may be nothing to do. Sometimes a thought or feeling or sensation will come up, and the most helpful thing to do is to let it go and not engage. These situations tend to be the most frustrating for me, and I've found that leaning into the acceptance piece can bring me relief, and sometimes even hope. There's no one-stop-shop solution, and it's helpful to build an arsenal of things I can do in a given situation. Even then I may not have a tool for every situation, and that's okay.

However, saying it's completely out of my control and it'll never get better digs a deeper grave for myself. It turns a roadblock into a guarded tollway, the toll being having to let go of a core belief that's been engraved through reinforcement into my identity. It's an act of self-sabotage, and becomes an excuse, which can turn into a form of narcissism, that I am special and my problems will never be overcome so I'll just stay stuck. I don't want to think of myself as being narcissistic, as most people don't, and the fact is that holding myself to this special standard of being a lost cause and therefore being allowed to not be responsible for what's in my control makes me narcissistic. I'm the special case, the exception. I don't have to do the hard things because they're too hard and I can't. This is where "I'm being prevented from" turns into "I'm keeping myself from" - I'm actively making a choice, and that choice is hurting me.

The difference between falling into narcissism and being self-compassionate is being able to hold both the immense and sometimes unbearable discomfort of internal experiences, and also choosing not to lie in a grave and just accept this is how things are without taking responsibility. Having control over my behavior does not in any way mean that exerting that control isn't difficult. It can in fact be difficult to the point of excruciating pain and emotional agony. And, taking those baby steps to work through that pain and still move towards my values, such as writing this blog post despite the fear and anxiety that's causing my hands to tremble, makes a world of difference.

The most important thing to remember is that unwanted thoughts, feelings, and sensations suck. The really, really, REALLY suck. They are hard to handle, they are messy, they feel gross and uncomfortable, they take a LOT of time to work through, and they just plain suck. And that is okay.

Even now, the reframing and small steps and radical acceptance doesn't usually work as cleanly as it sounds. I basically journaled through a bunch of strategies and reasoning for myself, and I still feel anxious and uncertain about this blog post, and the idea of writing a blog at all. I can say all the wise mind statements I want, and I still hesitate. I have good days, okay days, and bad days. I have days that combine all three. I have days when I feel like this is all pointless, and days when I'm sick to my stomach with anxiety with no clear cause.

The difference is I feel a little less tied to the thoughts and feelings that create roadblocks. I feel a little less like a prisoner of my mind, and I feel like the playing field has leveled just a bit. I feel like I have room to breathe and be autonomous, even for a fleeting second. I feel like I am allowed to be both anxious and uncertain, AND hopeful and excited, and I can just let both be true simultaneously. I can exist in my human complexity without boiling my experiences down to all or nothings. Even if no one else in the world acknowledges my contradictory experiences, I at the very least know it still exists.

As it turns out, Google didn't have the specific answers I was trying to find to reassure myself of how to do things "right." In a nutshell, eloquently put by Google AI, a blog can be about literally anything - it doesn't even have to be legible for others to appreciate.

I may not have control over whether you like what I have to say, and I have full control over what I choose to write and share in my little corner of the internet.

Until next time,

Debby Gold

The Earth without Art is just Eh